Friday, September 08, 2006

Filling the Void

It's routine for me to quickly glance at the news headlines on as I wait to get in to my email inbox. Today one of the headlines caught my attention so I clicked on the link which said, "The Worlds Most Powerful Women." Near the end of August, Forbes magazine came out with the 100 most powerful women. Among the more familiar names to me were people such as Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Oprah Winfrey, and Hillary Clinton. Yes, these women have lots of influence, attention, and money, but I realized today, as I have many times before, that there is and always will be only one woman who tops my chart. Mom.
To tell the truth, it's been a little tough having Mom (Dad and Andy too!) gone these past couple years. Tom and I have often talked about how frustrating it is to be "homeless". Our stuff is spread and being stored all over the place, we've been all over the place, and haven't had a place to call home for a while now. It's like being an eternal guest. But I have been extremely blessed while they've been away and I would never take this part of my life back. Now, as I begin preparing for my mission, I just wish Mom was here by my side. It just seems natural that a mom should be by a child's side for a thing like this. They often say that it's the mom who earns the Eagle Scout award, and I'm pretty darn sure that it's the mom's who get a missionary set and ready to go. I'm realizing that more and more everyday because sometimes it feels like I'll never be able to do it without her.
Although I really wasn't in the shopping-for-missionary-clothes mood yesterday, I went to the mall and decided to give Dillard's a try. After looking around for a while, I found a nice looking skirt, tried it on, and it fit perfectly. It was $40, which I thought was a pretty good deal for a Dillard's skirt but wasn't totally sure. My first thought was, "Man, I wish Mom was with me. She could tell me." Like countless times before, I counted up 8 hours from my current time, (2pm) which told me that it was about 10:00pm in Italy. Good. Mom and Dad would still be up. "Pronto?" Dad answered. "Pronto!" I replied. I talked to Mom about the skirt and after telling her the price, fabric type, color, etc, she said it sounded like a great skirt and that I should buy it and a couple more in different colors. Today I was checking out Walmart's luggage selection (as much as I hate that store.) I found the oversized carry-on type suitcases that Mom and Dad say most missionaries use now. They were all a little bit different in size, shape, and space. Again, I wished Mom was there with me to help me pick out the best one. Although it isn't necessary to have her there, (I realize I'm old enough to pick out a piece of luggage or skirt on my own) it's times like these that I miss her most.
I know that any of my siblings would help me (and have many times) at the drop of a hat but when it comes down to it, there's nothing that can fill that void. And that's what I'm most looking forward to after my mission. For now, I suppose phone calls and letters will have to do.


Jourdan JBB said...

As soon as I saw the picture you attached with your blog title, I knew exactly what you meant(and started to tear up). Although I haven't spent 21 years with her like you have, she feels like a mother to me and a friend that I respect, admire and LOVE!
I have to agree, she's at the top of my chart aswell!!

Marg said...

geez Carrie, im a blubbering mess! I dont think i'll be able to read your blogs anymore if you are going to write about how much you miss mom! (and Dad too!) I better get a tissue before Maura comes in and finds me tearing up all over the computer!

Shirley & Steve said...

Hey Care, what a heart-breaking message! I'm glad you've atleast had Tom to share your situation with a little bit. There's definately a strong and sickening homesickness when it comes to Moms. I think "void" was the perfect word - no one can fit the hole. But I think you guys (Tom & Care) have been amazing at making the best of it all. Awesome job.

Shirley & Steve said...
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